After the recent attacks in Bondi it made me think about my wife and young children. What if it was them that was attacked by a man in a rage filled attack?
As the tears fell down my cheeks, despite not being abusive or violent myself I still knew I had so much I could do in this space. I started having conversations with female friends about how they had seen the attacks and as the conversations got deeper, I started to understand that as a white male the privilege I had could be used for change in this space.
The first thing I needed to do was take stock of my own life and despite mentioning above that I wasn’t abusive or violent myself, there was still a bias within to control women. If we are all really honest with ourselves, we will recognize that we all have unconscious biases.
Once I understood that I had a bias there, I needed to take accountability for the times in my life where I have acted poorly towards women. The things I’ve said, the actions I’ve made and everything in between… and fuck, did I make some mistakes! Accepting that I am part of the problem was hard to see, but it also meant I could be part of the solution. Putting that bias aside and listening to women share what they had to say came next.
Hearing women share the nature of the violence or abuse across their lives startled me. You understand that more women than let on have experienced violence or abuse at the hands of a man in their own home at some point in their life.
I asked them what could I do next? They said I was doing it by listening and having the conversations.
Next stop was asking what we could all do differently, and some of those conversations I was able to have on three released podcasts between 13th May 2024 and 17th May 2024. Three amazing women from different occupations and who have different experiences.
My biggest take-away was that all three women all had similar responses into what we could all do moving forward.
1. The community has and can play a huge role in creating safer spaces for women.
2. Men having these conversations can create change.
– Pulling up our mates for poor behavior
– Asking for help if men can’t control the behaviors
To get a better understanding of it myself, and I would highly recommend you do it too. I read the book ‘See what you made me do’ by Jess Hill. It’s eye opening how close to all of us this is, and it shows that we can all make a difference in the future to create a safer place for the women around us.
As a man, I’ve never thought about moving my run times inside light hours. I’ve never carried keys in my hand in case I’m attacked, I’ve never kept my bag close enough to use it as a weapon. Women do this every day because they are afraid that they’ll be attacked!
Women move their schedules around to be safe and are sometimes constantly on edge. This quite often transfers into their workplaces where they can feel belittled, spoken over and threatened.
Is that really the country we want to live in?
We can all do better!!!
Listen to the podcasts released and see what you can do moving forward.
It doesn’t have to be your life mission but make the small changes in your immediate circles and things will change.
Let’s end violence against women for the mental health of all or women.