In the end – they are just thoughts but it becomes a problem when they are continually suppressed and not talked about.
For someone who isn’t experiencing these thoughts and doesn’t understand them, it is a really challenging thing to hear…
In my 20 years of having suicidal thoughts I have really struggled with the best way to approach them.
Last year, I was working for a mate and at the time I was in the best head space I’d ever been in then, I had suicidal nightmares and woke up with suicidal thoughts… due to the fact I’d been in such a great head space and the fact it came out of nowhere completely threw me.
I turned my phone off and hid in my room. I felt so guilty that I couldn’t go in to work that I just blocked his number.
Then I was sitting there with these suicidal thoughts and the fact I’d let a mate down, missed a days work which cost me money.
I remember before my suicide attempts I had a friend say “you get sick so often”
I wasn’t always sick physically like I had told everyone. I’d miss footy or cricket training, text (I can not call someone when I’m having suicidal thoughts) in sick for work once a week in my late teenage years.
I know when I’m having those thoughts that I’m able to do things but there is one thing I’m unable to do- drive. Driving is not safe for me which means I can’t get to work.
My logical mind does understand that these thoughts don’t control me, and I do know I won’t act on them as I know that these thoughts are trying to tell me something important, so it’s important I take the lesson from it rather than let it take over my life completely.
Despite understanding this, suicidal thoughts can be daunting and debilitating for the individual.
So it’s important that the person experiencing them has a safe space to talk about them.
For those who aren’t comfortable… my reminder to you is that the a person having these thoughts doesn’t mean they are suicidal or are going to act on these thoughts, but it is important they get these thoughts out sometimes.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable but in that moment make it all about the other person and not about you.
Hug them, listen to them, be there for them….
If someone tells you these deep thoughts, they clearly respect you to be there for them and that’s a privilege because they’re putting trust in you.
For those experiencing suicidal thoughts.
- Find someone you can be vulnerable with in a safe space
- Remind yourself – they are only thoughts and thoughts don’t control me
- Remember that wanting the thoughts not to be there, getting angry or frustrated at them won’t help either, you’ll start to enter a cycle.
- Allow yourself time to work through the thoughts, your feelings and anything else that may come up with.
- Know the thoughts will pass in time, as do all thoughts. Thoughts like everything have an expiry date…
- Journal the experience with the new learnings you can take with you for if or when it happens again
From me to you- you are worth it, you are loved and we want you here!
Always seek professional help to get further skills to manage your mental health and suicidal thoughts.
Professional help isn’t always available in the short term future, so make sure appointments are booked in advance. Even if you’re feeling well at the time, it’s important to follow through and work on things.
If you feel you need immediate or urgent help, call lifeline on 13 11 14 or beyondblue